Something one can't really imagine can they? What it's like to lose control of your mind and thoughts. What it's like to not be able to control what your mind tells you to do and not do. It's a very curious thing. I had a bout with it tonight, thought drinking might help me recover from it. It kinda did. But then life got in the way. I thought I wanted to go to the bar, then I thought I wanted to stay home and find another girl, then I thought I wanted to just go to bed. But I stayed up. My insanity or maybe it was my sanity, made me stay up and chill for a little while and not do anything but just hang out. And do you know what? It revealed a lot of stuff to me, especially while I was trying to help put one of my brothers and his girlfriend work out their problems. Some good some bad but some more enlightening than anything else. It made me realize that my closest bout with insanity was to almost do something to abandon one of the things that I love the most in this life and give up on something I've worked so hard for. That would've been the closest I'd come to insanity, not almost losing my mind at work but almost giving up my life later that night. And it wasn't because I was drunk. I know that's what some people would like to think. No, I'm completely sober now, typing up this message and I can tell you my feelings are exactly the same now as they were when I'd drank more than half a fifth of makers. i wish everyone would believe that, but few do, oh well. I don't expect that. I just hope for trust from those I feel I've earned it from. If not then whatever. It's not my job to impress you. I just hope you can see that I've tried to do something. Even if it's not what you expect of me. I just want you to know that I tried. anyways I'm going to bed. Good night.
Although it says it was written in May, it was finalized on January 5th.
No comments:
Post a Comment